• Nicole Reinders

You Do Not Love Because, You Love Despite

A confusing phrase at first, but lets dive into it.


This quote was said in the movie, “Set it up” and I’ve been mulling it over for the past few months.


When I first heard it, I thought it to be an ugly phrase, it was not elegantly structured like most phrases on love. It did not talk about the effects of love, what love does to a person or how it makes them feel. It didn't talk about the implications of love. It confused me.


I thought the first was true. You love because. That how I had always loved. It was what I knew.


There are so many reasons to love because.


I love you because you wash the dishes before I come home from a long day at work.

I love you because we can spend a whole day watching movies.

I love you because we enjoy the same music, and we jam out on every road trip.

I love you because you love me well.


However, this is easy love. It comes naturally. Of course, we chose to love the good qualities of someone. These are the ones that makes us feel good about ourselves. The ones we feel proud of. We look at them with heart eyes and can’t imagine just how lucky we are to love them, and that they chose to love us back.


However, then second part came, you love despite.


At first it sounded as though it was an excuse. That love makes you do crazy things, and makes you love crazy people, for crazy reasons.


It's what people say when they've made bad decisions and keep coming back to a person, a place or a thing. It's what addicts talk about as they keep going back what's slowly killing them. It's what keep people in the same job, living in the same city, and hanging with the same people. An excuse to keep a life of comfortability. Not that it is exactly comfortable, but it is known.


“Love is a choice of pursuit.”


This is what came to my mind when I thought past the excuse. Love is something you keep coming back to because you made a promise. Not to stay falling in love in order to keep those warm, fuzzy feelings around that make you want to dance, jump up and down, and scream to the world, "I am the luckiest person alive." It's what you do when you've had a long day, of a substantially long year, and look over and choose to keep with it.


It's in those moments when you stomp your feet, jump up and down, and scream to the world, because everything that day, that week, that month, is driving you crazy and making you absolutely mad. But you stay, because if you choose, there is always a silver lining to every cloud.


Loving truly is one that is of despite.


I love you despite you stealing all the sheets throughout the night.

I love you despite having to always feed the cat, even though I have reminded you many times.

I love you despite being annoyed at having to pick up after you.

I love you despite you making poor dad jokes out in public.


I love you because is easy. I love you despite is hard.


When it comes down to it. I love you because are just reasons we choose to like someone. These are the characteristics we enjoy.


But I love you despite is where the choice comes through. It is the moment we chose to stay.


“I don’t like you, but I love you.”


I don’t enjoy what you are doing right now, I don’t like the way you are making me feel, but I am choosing to love you and to continue with you.


My reevaluation of the quote is now completely different.


It is such a beautiful phrase. “I do not love you because, I love you despite.”

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